


haircut.

by ktransform



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Dom/sub Undertones, Eventual Happy Ending, F/M, POV Ben Solo, POV Rey (Star Wars), Slow Build, Verbal Abuse, but when it comes...., i promise the smut is coming, mention of abusive relationship, mention of rape
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-16
Updated: 2020-03-16
Packaged: 2021-02-27 08:15:16
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 10,911
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22283962
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ktransform/pseuds/ktransform
Summary: Rey is a student in her first year at Chandrillian University and just got out of an abusive relationship. After her breakup, she decides to cut her hair off and meets Ben Solo.
Relationships: Armitage Hux/Rey, Poe Dameron/Finn, Rey & Ben Solo, Rey & Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 8
Kudos: 69





	1. run.

“And that is why I cannot be with you anymore!” Rey said after she finished reading the list she put together of all the reasons why she could not date Hux anymore.

The reasons why she had to leave, no matter how many times he apologized to her. See, these reasons were not simple—I don’t like you anymore—reasons. No, these were “legitimate” reasons. He raped her. Told her that she wasn’t smart—even though she had a prestigious scholarship. He yelled at her for no reason, and then acted like it didn’t happen. He made her second-guess everything. She was always careful, walking on eggshells, to make sure that she didn’t upset him.

After spending a month away from him during Winter Break, she realized how happy she was without him. Rey finally realized that she needed to break up with Hux.

So she started planning. Rey began to slowly take some of her things home from Hux’s place. She stopped having sex with him—blamed it on schoolwork so that he couldn’t say anything. Rey also started going to therapy.

Therapy helped a lot.

When she first went to therapy, Rey was worried that she was seeing things that were not there. That her relationship wasn’t actually that bad.

Hux was just going through a “phase” and would treat her well after finals. He was under a lot of pressure from school and finding a job for the summer. He was so nice in the beginning of the relationship, so he is good at his core. How could he be so bad and have so many friends? She was just imagining things. He is a good person.

Her therapist, Dr. Ishla, quickly confirmed Rey’s suspicion that Hux was abusing her. After two sessions of crying, and mourning, Dr. Ishla began talking Rey through the steps of breaking off the relationship. Remove her things from the apartment. Make a list. Stand firm. Tell someone else where she was and what she was doing when she broke up with Hux. Have back-up if needed.

Finally, the best opportunity came for Rey to break up with Hux. After he came back from his great-aunt’s funeral. He would be vulnerable and expect Rey to take care of him. He wouldn’t have the energy to shout back at her. So, Rey prepared

For so long, Rey wanted to be free. Free from the world that she was raised in. Free from the limitations that people placed on her and now, free from this relationship. As soon as Hux was back at his apartment, Rey went over and read the list.

===

“And that is why I can’t be with you anymore!”

Rey didn’t stay long enough to hear his response. She left his room, grabbed all of her things off of the couch in the living room, and started to walk out. Hux’s roommate, Phasma, came into the apartment as Rey was leaving. Phasma was also in the program that Rey and Hux were in at Chandrillian University and lived with Hux for the past year. Phasma noticed that something was going on, specifically that Rey was in distress.

“Rey, what is going on?”

“I’m leaving. I think Hux may need you in a bit. Bye Phasma. See you at school.”

Rey had not run downstairs that fast since she ran away from her abusive foster dad when he tried to lock her in the closet for misbehaving.

As she ran down the stairs, Rey located her keys in her front pocket and pulled them out. Once her sliver car was in range, she unlocked the car and got in. Locking the doors behind her, she put the car in drive and left the apartment complex as quickly as possible. Driving away without looking in the rearview mirror.

The drive back to Rey’s house was not long, only ten minutes, but she drove so fast she got there in 5 minutes. Back to the house that Rey found comfort in—back to the house where Rey can be vulnerable without someone taking advantage of her.

===

Rey rented a room from Maz Kanata, a middle-aged woman in her third year of the same program as Rey, Hux, and Phasma at Chandrillian University. At the start of the school year, Rey was renting a room on the other side of town in a house with bedbugs and cockroaches. When Rey mentioned her living situation to Maz, the motherly woman instantly offered her spare room to Rey. Two days later Rey left the bug-infested house and moved in with Maz. With Finn, Hux, and Rose helping Rey they fit everything into the four cars and went straight to Maz’s house. From that day on, Maz treated Rey like the daughter she never had. Rey and Maz took care of one another.

Rey made Maz bread. Maz made sure that Rey ate enough and did her homework. Rey taught Maz the recipes that she made while in college and Maz bought the ingredients. They worked on school at the kitchen table, watched TV every night together, and talked about their lives with each other.

Rey told Maz everything about Hux and Maz supported Rey breaking up with him.

Maz knew that Rey was at Hux’s apartment to break up with him. Once Rey was home, Maz stood there armed with a serious supply of junk food, crappy movies, and a hug.

Rey cried for three days. 

She was so angry at herself for letting Hux treat her the way he did. Rey wanted everything out of her life that reminded her of Hux…everything. She burned all of the letters that he wrote to her. She put all of his things in a trash bag and left it by the door. She tore up every picture that he was in. After her detox of Hux was finished Rey looked in the mirror, accomplished with her work. 

Then she realized, that one thing was left. Her hair.

The first month that Rey and Hux were together, she told Hux that she booked an appointment at the hair salon just off campus so she could cut her hair off. Hux told her that she had such beautiful long hair and that she shouldn’t waste what was given to her. He even went so far to insist that she wear her hair in three buns. Rey hoped that her hair would make him happy, so she styled it into three buns every day since.

Just looking at her hair made Rey want to cry. She stopped taking care of it in the weeks leading up to the break-up and her hair was now matted, oily, and damaged. Rey wanted every part of Hux to be gone from her life, including her hair. Rey needed to cut her hair.

Rey burst out of her room, armed with her phone, wallet, and car keys. She walked into the living room and said, “Hey Maz, I’m going out. I’ll be back later.”

Maz turned around from her desk and looked at Rey, “You’re going out like that? Shouldn’t you at least wash your hair first?”

“No, where I’m going I don’t need to wash my hair.”

Confused, and a bit perplexed by this, Maz gave up. She realized that Rey would tell her when she was ready. “Okay, just let me know if you want to order take out or cook from home tonight.”

“I’ll feed myself tonight so don’t worry about me.” And with that, Rey was out of the house and jumping into her car. She was going to the hair salon off of campus to get her hair cut, Hux be damned.

On her way to the hair salon, Rey realized that it was 30˚F outside and she was in her yoga pants and a baggy t-shirt. _“Well, I’m just going to walk to and from the car, so it shouldn’t be too fucking bad.”_

Rey took the back route to the hair salon—the route that avoided going by Hux’s apartment. She wound her way through the residential streets, passed the Jewish synagogue, went over the bridge, and ended up in the shopping district on the edge of campus. Rey quickly parked her car in the parking garage across from the hair salon, jumped out of her car, and ran to the hair salon—so she wouldn’t freeze to death. She was wrong, even the walk from her car to the hair salon was horrible.

She walked into the salon with a purpose. Rey didn’t matter how long it took, she was walking out of this salon with a new haircut, even if she did it herself.

Right after walking in, Rey saw the receptionist counter and walked up to the lady standing behind it.

“Hi, my name is Rey. I don’t have an appointment, but I would like to get my hair cut as soon as possible. I don’t care who cuts it, I just need someone to cut it. Do you have any openings today?”

The receptionist and the guy sitting behind her looked at her with a bit of shock, but they both quickly adjusted.

“I think Ben is free now. He doesn’t have any more appointments today.” The receptionist turned around and looked at the man behind her who was now scrolling through something on his phone. “Ben…”

Rey was paying attention to this guy now, _Ben is his name? Huh, I wonder where he is from._ He wore all black and had stylish shaggy black hair with sideburns. He was older than Rey, maybe by about eight to ten years, and had that look on his face that screamed grown-up emo boy. When Ben stood up, Rey realized he was around 6 feet tall and was kind of lanky. _Oh yeah, for sure he was an emo boy growing up._

“Oh, yeah. I’d be glad to cut your hair. Just let me get my things ready.”

The receptionist led Ray to a locker to place her things in and gave her a robe to wear while Ben cut her hair. After Rey was enrobed and her things were put away, “If you need anything else just call for me. My name is B.B.”

With B.B. gone, Rey was in Ben’s chair watching him set up his tools. Ben moved around his station with the familiarity that one would expect from someone who spends his workday at a station. He was cleaning his scissors when Rey sat down in his chair. As he finished cleaning the scissors, he began to talk to her, “Hi, I’m Ben. What type of haircut do you want today?”

Not missing a beat, Rey looked at Ben and simply said, “I really don’t care what type of hair cut I get. I just want all of it off.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! This is my first fanfic and I currently don't have a beta. If you liked it please leave comments and kudos.


	2. a haircut.

“I just want all of it off.” Rey feels the words coming out of her mouth again and she realizes that she is finally doing this. She is cutting her hair. Well not her, but you get the idea.

The guy cutting her hair, Ben?, picks up his scissors and looks at Rey intensely, like he’s evaluating whether or not she is sane.

“Are you sure that you want it all off? How about just cutting it to your shoulders or a bob?”

“No. I would like all of it off. I want a pixie haircut.”

“Do you have any ideas as to what you want?”

Rey froze in her chair. _Oh shit, I didn’t realize that I would make it this far. I have no idea what I want my hair to look like._ She sat there thinking for a second before she looked back at Ben.

“I want it to look the opposite of what it does now. I want something that says ‘fuck you, don’t mess with me’ while also looking somewhat professional for my work. I want something that will turn heads and make people jealous. I want my hair to be a part of me, rather than define me.” Rey’s voice became more intense every single time she said **I want** and Rey knew it. She was so tired of doing things because other people, Hux, wanted her to. It was time for her to do something that she wanted without the threat of retaliation from someone else. As Rey got out of her head and returned to herself, she realized that Ben was staring at her with a look of shock and amazement(?) on his face. _I guess, I scared him so now he is frozen._

“So, do you believe me when I say I want all of my hair off, or should I go to another hair salon?” In reality, Rey didn’t think that she had the emotional stamina to go to another hair salon but she had learned long ago to put up a tough front even when she wanted to break down on the inside.

Ben finally broke out of his look. “Umm..yeah. I believe you. Do you want your hair really short or shaved? There are a lot of types of short haircuts, so let’s start from the basics.” 

Rey was worn out from her emotions and she really didn’t want to make another choice. Before Ben could even start talking to her about the different styles of short haircuts she interrupted him, “How about a bit of both? Shaved on the sides and longer on top? As for the details, I trust you to do whatever else you want to do.”

Ben just stared at her when Rey said that she trusted him. “Are you sure? Would you like to look at some pictures first?” He acted like no one had said those words to him in a long time. That no one but that much blind trust in him.

“Nop-e. You seem like you have cut hair for a while. This is one of the best salons close to campus and if I don’t like it, then it will be okay because my hair will grow out.” Rey also knew that if she didn’t like it, she would tell people on campus to not go to this salon. But also, if she did like it, she would give the salon a good deal of business and refer as many people there as possible.

“Okay. Let me go get some hair ties to section off your hair.”

After Ben left to go get the hair ties, Rey gently closed her eyes and allowed herself to relax for the first time in a while. She barely noticed when Ben came back and started sectioning her hair into ponytails that he would later cut. Rey’s hair was so long and thick that Ben ended up having to section her hair into five ponytails. Something about his hands were gentle, yet strong and guiding--movements that someone would only have after working in a craft for many years.

Rey was so deep in her state of relaxation, she almost didn’t hear Ben clear his throat. She opened her eyes to see what was going on. Ben was holding one of the five ponytails that he sectioned off in one hand and a pair of silver scissors in the other.

Ben calmly looked at her in the mirror and said, “I didn’t know if you wanted to watch or not. Some folks want to watch while others can’t do it.” Ben’s face started to turn a bit pink, “I just didn’t want to rob you of the chance to watch if you wanted to.”

Rey just looked at him for a moment. Here is a man, that she just met, making sure that she is alright and that he is not taking advantage of her. How in the world did this happen? For such a long time, she could not trust a man with anything and here she was placing so much trust in a man she just met. And why in the fuck is she developing a crush on this guy?! It had been a while since she had sex, and oh man she was ready for some, but this was inappropriate.

“So Ben, how long have you been cutting hair?”

“About 9 years. I started after my daughter was born.”

Oh shit, he had a family, but she didn’t see a wedding ring on his finger. _Hmm, maybe he just takes it off while he is working so that it doesn’t get lost or something._ Rey used to be pretty good at reading people, that is until she met Hux. Something about Ben told her that he wasn’t happy but he obviously loved what he was doing--that is cutting hair for a living. There is just something about him that Rey couldn’t get out of her mind.

“Oh wow, so you’re pretty experienced then. With cutting hair that is.”

Ben chuckled a bit, “Yeah, I guess you could say that. So Rey, do you go to the University?”

She could tell that he was trying to reflect the topic back to her. That he didn’t want to talk about himself too much. Of course, this makes total sense. Why would he talk to a girl that he just met about his life when she obviously was experiencing some deep shit. After all, they do say that a hairstylist is basically a therapist.

“Yeah, I’m in my first year of the engineering master’s degree in the graduate school.”

“Oh wow! I’ve heard that the program is difficult to get into. Congratulations.”

At that point, Rey didn’t really want to talk to Ben anymore. She didn’t want to be reminded of the beginning of the program and how she met Hux so she began to daydream and focus on the music videos playing on the massive television behind her--looking at the mirror in order to see the reflection of the videos.

It just so happened that looking in the mirror also meant looking at Ben while he worked. As he cut her hair off her head Rey felt lighter than she had in months. After two music videos played, she began to shift her focus to what Ben was doing. Basically, watching him as he worked. _Ughh, those big hands are so comforting and precise._ Rey knew that she shouldn’t have these thoughts about Ben, but something about him just brought her emotional guard down.

“So do you have any more kids, besides your daughter?

Ben looked at her in the mirror, kind of shocked it seemed, and said, “Yeah, I have a son who is a few years younger than my daughter. They are pretty amazing kids. So Rey, what do you do outside of school?”

Again with the deflecting back to her. Ben obviously wanted to keep his private life private, so Rey obliged him.

“I currently have an internship at an engineering firm down the road. The firm works on taking old parts that are needed for airplanes, but are bad for the environment, and re-work them so that they don’t emit as many greenhouse gasses. I don’t get to work on the fun stuff though. Right now I’m just a glorified secretary.”

“But you get to talk to the people working on the projects right?

“Haha, yeah. When I ask them for their coffee and lunch order. They really don’t give me a sideways glance most of the time. I just have to work my way up through the ranks. It also doesn’t help that I’m a woman in a field that’s dominated by men. I don’t even know if they realize that I’m an intern. Most of them probably think that I’m just a secretary who is also a student at the university.”

“I hate how some fields are so fucking misogynistic. Like, it doesn’t matter who you are as long as you’re good at your job right?”

Woah. Something obviously just snapped in Ben that made him kind of go off. While it was unexpected, it was a bit sweet. The fact that he recognized her shitty situation and how it was more difficult for her in the field of engineering was amazing.

“Maybe this new haircut will help those jerks see how badass you are. I do hope that you like it.” 

For the first time in 30 minutes, Rey looked at what Ben was doing as he cut her hair. When she looked at herself in the mirror she almost cried. There was so much emotion that overcame her as she stared into the mirror at her reflection. She saw herself as she always dreamed she was. Rey felt like Rey for the first time in a long ass time.

“Oh man, I’m sorry. I thought that you would like it. It just seemed like this was your style and…”

“Ben, I love it. I feel like me for the first time in a long time.” 

Rey saw Ben’s face light up. Not only did his face light up, he smiled. Oh man, did this guy have a lovely smile. The kind of smile that turned his entire face up. _What is with this guy and receiving praise. For a man that has a family, it seems like he is the one who is the fall guy, not the guy talked up._ But, then again, Rey loved making people smile. So she would compliment his work--that is as long as she liked it--just to see him smile.

“Okay, let me make some more adjustments and then we can get you shampoo-ed up.”

Ben just made a few more adjustments to her hair. He trimmed her new sideburns--if they could be called sideburns--so that they were even and cleaned up the nape of her neck from all of the little hair on the back of her neck. One he was done, he set his trimmers down and removed the cape from Rey so she could get up and go over to the sink. 

“Oh shit. That’s a lot of hair. I didn’t realize I had that much hair.” 

“Haha, yeah. Sometimes people think one thing about their hair, but then they realize something else when it’s all on the floor.”

Ben just so casually said that. As Rey made her way to the sink and sat down she realized that there were so many meanings behind what he just said.” 

“Woah, that’s deep.” 

“Well hair is a pretty personal thing.” 

Rey wasn’t going to argue with that. Actually, she wasn’t even going to talk at all at that moment. Ben started to wash her hair and for the first time, she felt his large strong hands on her head. As he scrubbed the shampoo into her hair, Rey felt all of her troubles, all of her pain from her relationship with Hux, being washed away and replaced by something strong and sure. That she was strong and sure in herself. 

After Ben was done washing her hair. He gently removed the towel that he placed over her eyes--so that she wasn’t staring up into the fluorescent lights overhead--and towel-dried her hair. 

“Okay, are you ready to go back and style this?” 

“Hell yeah. I want to be surprised though, so I’m going to close my eyes until you’re done.” 

True to her word, once Rey was in Ben’s chair again she closed her eyes. She could feel the heat from the hairdryer and smell the different things that Ben was putting in her hair but she wasn’t going to take a peak. After 6 minutes of styling--Rey knew it was 6 minutes because two songs played on the screen showing the music videos while her eyes were closed--Ben applied some hairspray to her hair. 

“Rey, are you ready to open your eyes?” 

Oh man, this was it. There was no going back now. Either she had just put her trust in a man that she just met and he let her down, or he was going to exceed her expectations. Hesitantly, slowly, and somewhat cautiously, Rey opened her eyes. 

“Oh my gosh, Ben this is amazing!” 

“I’m so glad that you like it. It was great to cut your hair today, even if it was a bit unexpected.” 

After thanking Ben, Rey went back to the desk where B.B. sat and paid for her haircut. 

“So Rey, would you like to schedule another appointment?” 

“Yes B.B.! How about I come this time next month? Is Ben free then?” 

“Yup, he is! I’ve got you down to come back in 4 weeks. See you then.” 

“Sounds great! See you in a month!” Before Rey walked out of the salon--and ran back to her car--she looked back at Ben. He was looking at her and smiling. Oh hell, yes she was going to be back next month, and every month for the foreseeable future. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Please leave comments and kudos. It really helps me when writing. 
> 
> Rey's Haircut: http://bit.ly/366YQJi


	3. cut.

_Note: This chapter is Ben’s POV from the first two chapters._

“Hey B.B. I’m going to head out soon since I don’t have any more appointments. I should probably get home to the wife and kids.” Ben said this realizing that he didn’t want to leave, even if that meant staying at the salon for another 2 hours until it closed. In all honesty, he didn’t want to go home to his wife. Hell, he knew that he didn’t want to be around Voe, but he would do anything to be with his children. His two wonderful beautiful smart children, but just not his wife.

“Oh Ben, why don’t you wait for a bit? The shifts just changed at the hospital across the street and you know that traffic is going to be really bad right now. It’s better to wait it out here than go now and get stuck in traffic.”

Ben hated when B.B. was right, especially when it came to traffic. Even though he has lived in Republic City for 8 years, he still hasn’t gotten the hang of the daily traffic patterns. Which ultimately results in him being either 30 minutes late or early to everything. If he was honest with himself, Ben really needed to answer some emails before he left the salon so he didn’t have a problem plopping himself down on the black chair behind B.B. at the receptionist desk at the front of the salon.

Inbetween clients, Ben would often hang out with B.B. behind the counter and chat with her about life--and today was no different. Even though Ben needed to answer emails, he found himself chatting with B.B. and watching the people pass by outside of the salon. Only five minutes later this girl came through the door of the salon and marched up to the B.B.’s desk.

“Hi, my name is Rey. I don’t have an appointment, but I would like to get my hair cut as soon as possible. I don’t care who cuts it, I just need someone to cut it. Do you have any openings today?”

This girl was bold. Ben was all for being direct, but this chick was verging on rude. Thankfully, B.B. had dealt with much worse before, so this wouldn’t phase her at all. There was something about this girl. She was in yoga pants and a t-shirt in the middle of winter. Her hair was in pretty rough shape, and based on the tear stains on her shirt, she looked like she spent the last day or so crying. Oh…this is a break-up haircut.

“Ben…”

Ben suddenly focused back on B.B. and the girl on the other side of the counter. _I think she said her name was Rey?_

“Oh yeah. I’d be glad to cut your hair. Just let me get my things ready.”

Once B.B. was taking care of the girl, Ben pulled out his phone and texted Voe.

**Hey, someone just walked in and I’m the only person open. Looks like I won’t be home for a few more hours. Dinner is in the fridge and don’t forget to give Padmé her medicine. The doctor said she needs to take it right after dinner.**

===

Once Ben sent the text message, he put his phone on silent and started cleaning and arranging his tools. Damned, be Voe and her sassy texts back. He didn’t have the time for it. At the end of the day, Ben put up with Voe because he knew if he got divorced then she would get the kids--and that was worse than being married to Voe.

Ben started getting his supplies ready and realized that he needed to as this girl _Her name is Rey, not just this girl._ What type of haircut that she wanted. If she wanted a pixie there are so many ways to do that, and Ben wasn’t about to fuck up this girl’s hair. 

“Are you sure that you want it all off? How about just cutting it to your shoulders or a bob?”

“No. I would like all of it off. I want a pixie haircut.”

_Wow, this girl is serious about what she wants. Maybe she has an idea as to what she wants_ “Do you have any ideas as to what you want?”

Ben was looking at Rey as her face turned to this white, kind of panicked look. It seemed like she hadn’t thought out about what she actually wanted. _Oh yeah, this is for sure a break-up haircut._ But, at the end of the day, a client was a client and Ben wasn’t about to tarnish his reputation because of this one girl.

“I want it to look the opposite of what it does now. I _want_ something that says ‘fuck you, don’t mess with me’ while also looking somewhat professional for my work. I _want_ something that will turn heads and make people jealous. I **want** my hair to be a part of me, rather than define me.”

Holy shit, this girl was something else. She was so assertive, and yet there was something about her that was super defensive. She looked like Padmé when she fell down and was hurt. Like she needed to be comforted but wasn’t going to let anyone comfort her. A strong woman who was ready to inflict pain upon anyone who pushed her too far. Ben’s mind started racing as to what may have happened to Rey to make her like this. Suddenly Rey started talking and pulled Ben out of his head.

“So, do you believe me when I say I want all of my hair off, or should I go to another hair salon?”

“Umm..yeah. I believe you. Do you want your hair really short or shaved? There are a lot of types of short haircuts, so let’s start from the basics.”

Ben was about to start listing the different types of hairstyles that he could do for Rey, and let her know that it’s going to be a process--he did have to cut off all of her long hair--but Rey spoke before he could.

“How about a bit of both? Shaved on the sides and longer on top? As for the details, I trust you to do whatever else you want to do.”

She trusted him? This woman that he just met, trusted him with one of the biggest changes in her life? Ben was shook. Not even his wife said those words to him--well Voe had said those words to him but that was before Anikain was born five years ago. Something happened in his relationship with Voe after Anikain was born, and they were never the same after that.

“Are you sure? Would you like to look at some pictures first?”

“Nop-e. You seem like you have cut hair for a while. This is one of the best salons close to campus and if I don’t like it, then it will be okay because my hair will grow out.”

Okay, Ben was infatuated with this woman and he would do his best to make this haircut--and the next hour and a bit--one of the best of her life. 

===

For the rest of the appointment, Ben and Rey chatted and made small talk. He learned that she was a student at the University and he told her about his kids. Of course, he couldn’t tell her everything--that would not be professional. As the appointment came to a close, Ben finished up styling Rey’s hair. He was nervous. 

Rey closed her eyes after Ben washed her hair. She said that she wanted it to be a surprise and that just placed more pressure on Ben to not fuck this up. _What if she doesn’t like it? What if she doesn’t like the way that I faded the sides of her hair? Oh man, what if she doesn’t come back to here to get her hair cut?_ So many thoughts were going through Ben’s head as Rey opened her eyes to see Ben’s creation. His creation for her. 

As Rey opened her eyes, Ben knew that he did a good job. That he brought her joy. Ben always liked making his clients smile, but this was different. Something about Rey stuck with Ben--he just couldn’t put his finger on it.

“Oh my gosh, Ben this is amazing!” 

Ben never accepted praise well. He grew up without being acknowledged for the work he did so, he never really learned how to take a compliment, “Oh, thank you. I’m so glad that you like it. It was great to cut your hair today, even if it was a bit unexpected.” 

“It was unexpected for me as well. But sometimes the best things are unexpected moments.”

With that, Rey went up to B.B.’s desk, paid for the haircut, and scheduled another appointment in four weeks _Thank God! I get to see her again in a month. Oh shit, I’m going to see her again in a month…_

Ben was happy--like really happy--for the first time in years. He couldn’t help but smile as he watched Rey as she walked out of the salon, swaying her hips as she left. Suddenly Rey turned around and looked at Ben in the eyes--the same kind of smile on her face. Was it possible, that she felt for him as well? _Stop being a perv Ben, she is 9 years younger than you. That’s creepy. She was in elementary school when you were in high school. You have a wife and children. She is your client. You can’t date your client._

All of these reasons were going through Ben’s head, but he just couldn’t get Rey out of his mind as he started to shut down his station for the day. 

“Okay B.B. I’m going to head home now. I’ll see you tomorrow morning.”

“Bye Ben! Tell Voe and the kids I say hello! 

B.B. always said this, and Ben always relayed the message to his wife and kids. B.B. babysat Anikain and Padmé every now and then, so she knew the family pretty well. This also meant that Ben couldn’t do anything at work with Rey, or B.B. would tell Voe. _Okay, this adds another reason as to why I can’t be flirty around Rey. I can’t let this get back to Voe. I can’t let her take away the kids._

Ben walked out to the parking deck and got in his car. After hooking up his iPhone to the AUX cord in his Honda Accord, he blasted his “Emotions” playlist. This was the playlist that he saved for after he got in a fight with Voe, or when he was otherwise emotionally challenged. But this time, the playlist took on a whole new meaning. This time he sang the songs with a happy voice, rather than in a loud scream. 

Ben Solo was falling for Rey, and he was falling fast. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey y'all! Thank you so much for the comments and kudos! As you can tell, this chapter is from Ben's POV. I plan on having the story go back and forth between Rey and Ben's POV but not in the same chapter. 
> 
> As of right now, I have this story going up to at least 19 chapters, maybe more. The amount of much school work I have, I'm in graduate school, will impact when I post.


	4. life.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **This chapter mentions physical abuse and contains verbal abuse. Please take care of yourself while reading this chapter. Unfortunately, this chapter is important for the rest of the story, so I cannot cut it out.**

**Rey’s Point of View**

Rey felt fierce, like a fucking bear could come at her and she would knock it to the ground. Which honestly, is how she needed to feel when she went back to class after breaking up with Hux. It is lucky that Rey is a first-year, because she doesn’t have a lot of classes with Hux, but they’re in the same friend group. Thankfully, Maz has been really supportive of Rey throughout this past week. When Rey came back from the salon Maz was shocked. With Maz’s approval of Rey’s new haircut, a new outfit, and some iced coffee in her hand Rey walked into the Engineering building at Chandrillian University.

_Okay, I can do this. All I have to do is find Finn, Poe or Rose before I see Hux. Just walk with your head held high Rey and it will be okay. It’s going to be okay. Hux won’t yell at you at school._

Rey knew that it was silly for her to think that Hux would try to shout at her at school but, honestly, she wouldn’t put anything past him. She wouldn’t be tricked again. Just as Rey was getting deeper and deeper into her mind from overthinking, Rose came running up to her. 

“Oh honey, Maz texted me and told me what happened. I’m so glad that you broke up with him!” Rose basically tackled Rey into a hug and that was okay. It was nice for Rey to hug someone that wasn’t Maz. 

Rose still hadn’t let Rey go from the hug as she handed Rey a bag from the coffee shop on campus. “I knew that you probably didn’t eat breakfast, so I brought you some food for breakfast. Wait...oh my fucking god...YOU CUT YOUR HAIR!”

Rose was the closest thing that Rey had to a sister. Both of them took care of the other one and watched each other’s backs when shit got rough. Rose was so intense, that sometimes she would hyperfocus on something or someone, especially when they needed her help. Which explained why it took so long for Rose to notice Rey’s hair. 

“Hahaha, I was wondering when you would notice Rose! Yeah, I got it cut a few days after I ended things.” _Rey still couldn’t bring herself to say Hux’s name in fear that he would appear out of thin air. Best to not do anything that could bring him around._ “Before you ask, I went to the salon close to campus and the guy who cut my hair was great. I have an appointment to go back next month.” 

“How did you know that I was going to say that?!” Rey just looked at Rose for a few seconds before Rose broke out laughing. “Oh okay, you know me better than I know myself. Finn and Poe are waiting for us in the lobby. They wanted me to be the first person you saw when you came to school.” Rey really did love her friends. 

As the girls were walking towards the lobby, Rey knew that it was better to know what she was going into than not, “Hey Rose, have you seen you-know-who?” 

“Yeah, he was in the lobby when I left, but we are set up on the opposite side of the lobby. Finn and Poe have already given him nasty looks and he knows to stay away.” Rey breathed a sigh of relief at those words. Finn and Poe were both strong and while they were really kind, they could easily beat someone up. 

As Rey stepped into the lobby, she immediately saw Hux. She wanted to run. He had a look of anger in his eyes, a look that she saw a lot during their relationship. A look that always brought pain. A look that meant she had to buy more concealer and another skin tone neutralizing palette. A look that meant that she was going to be sore for days. Rey started heading towards the exit. She couldn’t be in the same place as him. She couldn’t breathe. 

“Rey… Rey, come back to me. Rey, you’re about to have a panic attack.”

Rey looked in front of her and saw Poe talking to her in his calm voice, the voice that he used whenever Rey was about to have a panic attack. As Rey focused on Poe’s eyes, she saw Finn as well. Where one of them was, the other wasn’t far behind. The two guys, along with Rose, formed a wall around her so she wouldn’t have to see Hux. 

“Here, Rey drink this.” Finn gently took Rey’s coffee out of her hand and gave her a bottle of water. Once Poe knew that Rey was okay, Finn took his boyfriend’s hand and started talking to Rey. 

“Okay Rey, it is almost time to go to class. Here is what we are going to do. We are going to form a kind of walking wall around you so we can go to class without you seeing Hux in the hallway. After class, we are going to Dean Yoda so we can tell him what is going on and see if you can get some accommodations for your panic attacks. Then, we are going to have lunch at Pita Pita. Does that sound okay?” 

Rey nodded her head in agreement. She was amazed that her friends already thought of a plan and were there to support her. Rey really did have the best fucking friends in the world. 

“Hey Rey, I know that you might not want to talk right now, but I’m going to ask you again if this is okay. I don’t want us to pressure you into something that you don’t want to do.” Poe was always careful with Rey, and him asking her to verbally confirm the plan was just one example of this. 

Rey took a sip of water, cleared her throat, and in a scratchy voice said, “Yes. I like your plan and I haven’t been to Pita Pita in weeks.” 

“Okay. Are you ready to go into class?” 

Rey took a deep breath, straightened up, and checked her hair and makeup. She finally turned to the group. “I’m as ready as I will ever be.” 

Armed with her best friends, coffee, a bagel, and her newfound confidence, Rey walked into the hallway and into her classroom knowing that no matter what the rest of the semester brought her, she was going to be okay. Rey had her army of friends to protect her. 

**Ben’s Point of View**

Ben was jamming out to his “Emotions” playlist as he pulled into the driveway of his house. No sooner did he stop the car engine did Padmé and Anakin run out of the house to greet him with a huge hug. Ben loved his kids so much. They reminded him of what was good and pure in the world. Unfortunately, the person that reminded him of all that is evil in the world was right behind his two children. Voe. 

Ben knew that he would have to answer to Voe about being late, so he played with the kids as long as possible. He looked over their homework, helped them pick out their outfits for tomorrow, made sure they brushed their teeth and read them a bedtime story. While Ben would normally do these things, he did more than usual so that he would not have to face Voe. 

Finally, Padmé and Anakin had to go to sleep, which meant it was the time of reckoning with Voe. 

“Where the hell were you? I spend all day at work and I get a text in the middle of a meeting that said you weren’t going to be home ‘for a few more hours.’ I had to call the babysitter and ask her to stay longer, which cost us money. More money than you would make cutting hair.”

Ben knew that Voe was going to go on like this for a while, so he just sat in his chair, ready to accept the beating of her words. 

“You spend all of your damn time at the hair salon and you don’t even make enough money to pay half of the bills. You don’t go to church anymore with the family on Sunday. How do you think that makes me look? The kids? All of the other fathers are there with their families. You are the only one missing.” 

_She will be over soon. Take deep breaths. It will be over soon. Don’t scream. Don’t blow up. The kids will hear you if you scream._ Ben kept on going over these things in his head. Over and over again. This way he wouldn’t scare the kids. This way he would not focus on Voe as she continued to yell. 

Finally, Ben looked up from where he was sitting at the kitchen table and realized that Voe was gone. After taking a few deep breaths he got up to get a glass of water, holding onto the kitchen counter as he went. Once the cool liquid touched his parched throat, Ben slid down to the floor--no energy left in his entire body. 

_What if the things that Voe said are right? What if I’m a horrible father? Maybe they would be okay if I left. Padmé and Anakin would be okay. Wait...no they wouldn’t. They would not be okay._ Ben realized that he had not taken his depression medication in two days. After slowly getting up from the kitchen floor he went over to the medicine cabinet, took his medicine, and then prepared to sleep on the sofa in his office--more like his art studio. He could not imagine sleeping next to Voe. 

But he could imagine sleeping next to someone else. Sleeping next to Rey. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Moodboard for the chapter: https://ktransform.tumblr.com/post/190353543704/haircut-chapter-4-life


	5. ideas.

Chapter 5: ideas

**Rey’s POV**

It has been one month. One month since Rey broke up with Hux. Twenty-seven days since she met Ben and he cut her hair. One week since she last skipped class. And three days since her last panic attack--that she had because Maz came up behind her and touched her on the shoulder. Rey is still going to therapy, but the work is hard. 

“Rey, you have been through quite a lot. It is going to take time for the body to heal from this trauma. It is unreasonable to expect that you will be okay right off the bat.”

Rey’s therapist always knew what to say that would put everything into perspective. Thankfully, Dean Yoda is supportive of Rey and talked with her professors about Rey needing to miss class some days due to her panic attacks. In the beginning, her professors were not that understanding, well until she had a panic attack at school. After that, no one challenged or questioned her when she said that she needed to leave. 

The little things are getting Rey through right now like waking up in the morning and having breakfast with Maz or going on a walk in the nature preserve on campus. Simple pleasures in life like hanging out with friends and drinking coffee. Rey also started painting again--which was a huge step--the feeling of a paintbrush between her fingers felt like coming home to herself; finding herself again through her painting. 

Rey also started writing poetry again at the suggestion of her therapist. It is supposed to be a “healthy way to get out emotions without doing harm to herself or others.” So like, basically a way for Rey to vent without blowing up in front of people.

One day, Rey sits down to write and, without thinking much about it, she starts writing a love poem. This is not an ordinary love poem though, because she doesn’t know who she is writing it to. _Maybe this is for me? Maybe my subconscious is telling me that I need to love and embrace myself. Or maybe that I need to open up more to the people that I have around me that support me?_

There was too much to think about with this. Too many emotions to go through and process. So Rey just stopped writing, and set the poem to the side, half-finished. As she sets the poem aside, Rey hears her phone buzz.

_Oh, it’s an appointment confirmation for my haircut with Ben. Oh shit, it’s an appointment confirmation for my haircut with Ben. Ben._

Rey had not thought about the man that much in the past month but, when she saw his name all of the emotions that she had towards him came rushing back. _I can’t believe I forgot about Ben._ It had been a busy month for Rey. There were so many things going on, it wasn’t that surprising that she forgot about this man, but oh damn was he hot. _Oh goodness. Okay. Don’t freak out. The appointment is in three days. Just don’t think about it too much, but I need to make sure that I wash my hair this time. And take a shower. Wait...breathe...he’s married._

The realization that Ben was married was all that Rey needed to realize that no matter how hard she crushed on him, she and Ben could never date. Rey would never break his marriage so she would never date Ben. Alas, she would just have to remain happy with him cutting her hair and massaging her scalp every month. 

**========**

As soon as Dean Yoda begins to wrap up his lecture, Rey starts placing her things in her bag. She cannot wait to get to the hair salon to see Ben again. Before Rose can say anything, Rey is out the door and walking, quite quickly, to her car. 

**Rey, are you okay? Why did you rush out of class?**

Oh, Rose was always checking in on Rey.

**Yeah! Just have a hair appointment that I scheduled 20 minutes after class let out. I have to speed over to the salon.**

Rey felt her phone buzz again but didn’t mind looking at it. All she cared about was getting to the hair salon to have her monthly fill of time with Ben.

Rey zips out of the parking deck and heads towards the salon in order to make it to her appointment on time. _Okay, I can’t run to the salon, that would be weird. I just need to collect myself for a minute. Then I can calmly walk over to the salon from the parking garage._ Rey gathered her things, got out of her car, and started walking over to the salon.

“Hi, it’s B.B. right? I have an appointment with Ben for a haircut.” 

“Hi Rey. Yeah, my name is B.B. thanks for remembering. Ben is just getting his things ready. Do you want anything to drink?” 

“No thank you. I have a bottle of water. 

B.B. led Rey over to the area that had lockers where Rey could put her things while she had her hair done. After Rey had her things in the locker, B.B. gave her a robe to put on and ushered Rey to the chair at Ben’s station. 

“Hey Rey! What are we doing today?” 

Rey didn’t even realize that Ben had come back to his station. She was in her own head thinking about what she would say to him when Ben came back to his station. 

“Oh, hi Ben. How about you cut my hair the same way that you did last time. I really liked it and I got a lot of compliments on it.” 

“Sounds good to me.” Rey saw Ben reach for the hair clips to start clipping her hair back. “So, how have you been?” 

_Is he really making small talk with me? Well, I guess it would be awkward for him to cut my hair for an hour and not talk to me. What kind of person is quiet for a whole hour?_

“Oh, I’ve been alright. You know, going to school takes up a lot of my time.” 

Rey was hoping that Ben would get the hint that she was not much in the talking mood. Well, not that she wasn’t in the talking mood, but she was too awkward to chat. Thankfully, Ben picked up and started making some small talk.

“That sounds good. My son and I went by the university the other day to the nature preserve right off-campus. I had no idea that it was there until one of my coworkers told me about it. Anyways, we went and I almost forgot that I was in the middle of the city while we were in the preserve. We even saw a deer!” 

Oh, Rey could talk about the nature preserve. “Oh yeah! That is one of my favorite spots on campus. Did you get to go on the wire bridge? Sometimes, if you get there at just the right time, the sun will filter through the leaves and it’s so beautiful.” 

“We didn’t go on the wire bridge, but we were there when the sunlight was going through the leaves on the trees. I actually took a picture of it on my phone to keep as a background. It was way better than any picture that I could have gotten off of the internet.” 

Ben and Rey continued talking about the nature preserve and how much the area around the school has changed in the past few years because of revitalization efforts--basically another way to say making the campus hospitable to students and professors. 

“Hey Rey, have you ever thought about dying your hair? I’ve had an idea for a while but I never found someone who was interested in doing the colors.” 

_Hmmm, this is interesting. I wonder what colors he would dye my hair? And if he dyes my hair, I could spend more time with him here--but it would cost way more money. But, I could hang out with Ben and talk to him more. Hmmm, choices.._

“What kind of colors are you thinking? Anything that is plain or something that is a bit brighter and out of the box?” 

“Oh something really out of the box. I was thinking about blue or purple highlights in and out of your hair.” 

“Not like chunky 90’s highlights though? Something that will blend in with my hair and grow out well, right?”

“Yeah, something that will blend in and can kind of hide but then depending on how you style your hair, the highlights would show more or less.”

_Oh damn, this sounds perfect. Wait, this is going to cost a lot of money. Like a lot of money – that I don’t have. But, I could get to see Ben for a longer period of time, and I kind of want to get my hair dyed._

As Rey was thinking about whether or not she should dye her hair, Ben finished Rey’s haircut and started styling her hair. 

“Okay, let’s dye my hair next month.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry that I am just now publishing this! School is really picking up and I have a lot of work for classes this semester. Hopefully, I can get on a schedule soon for updating. 
> 
> As always, thank you so much for reading and let me know if you liked it. =)


	6. struggle.

Chapter 6: struggle.

**Ben’s POV**

Ben knows that he is in trouble. It’s the kind of trouble that he found himself in when he was younger. The kind of trouble that could result in things going really badly. He knew that he shouldn’t have suggested to Rey that he wanted to dye her hair, but he wanted to spend more time with her, and actually dye her hair. (If Ben was honest with himself, he would dye her hair for her free of charge. He would do anything as long as he and Rey could hang out.)

Rey scheduled her appointment for the next month, which meant one more month without seeing her––one more month of his other clients, one more month of Voe.

If Ben was honest with himself, he wanted to leave Voe, he really did. He was young, and so foolish when they got married. A lot of people in Voe’s family married when they were young, so it wasn’t a huge deal when Ben and Voe got married. It was a big deal for Ben’s life.

Ben’s mother–well not his mother, but she is like his mother–didn’t approve of the marriage. She tried for weeks to talk him out of it, and now he realizes that he should have listened to her. But, the past is the past and now Ben was faced with a realization: he can continue to let Voe abuse him or he can leave. 

Finally, Ben realized that no matter what he decided to do, there was going to be pain and hurt. The only problem is how would he protect his children from that pain? 

Ben didn’t originally want children–they just happened. That doesn’t mean that he doesn’t love his kids. Hell, he would give anything for his daughter and son. It is just the circumstances around the kids being born that are hard. 

Padmé was born a few years after Ben and Voe were married but they were not ready. Voe’s birth control didn’t work and along came Padmé and a whole new set of responsibilities. Ben was still an artist and could not support a family. So he gave up art, enrolled in a nice cosmetology school, and started working at a hair salon to put food on the table. 

After Padmé was born, Voe became more abusive. Ben first thought that it was postpartum depression or the stress of being a new mother, so he was _very_ attentive to Voe and made sure that everything she asked for was done. Where did this all end up? Voe taking advantage of him. 

In order to try and save their marriage, Ben suggested that they try to have another child and 11 months later along came Anakin. There was one problem though–Voe became even more abusive after she had Anakin. After Anakin, Voe yelled at him in such a way that made Ben doubt everything he ever did. That made him feel worthless. Made him want to kill himself. 

One night, after the kids were asleep and Voe finished her nightly yelling, Ben decided that he couldn’t deal with it anymore––so he got in his car and drove. He kept on driving until he reached his destination: a quite bridge that was directly over the interstate. He sat in his car for a few minutes thinking about going out. Thinking about jumping. But then Ben remembered Anakin and Padmé. What would it be like for them to grow up without a father? Could Voe take care of them? 

The next day, Ben scheduled a doctor’s appointment and started taking anti-depression medication. That was nine years ago. 

**==========**

Ben loved the days that he could pick up his children from school. One of the good things about Voe’s job is that she was always working. So, on the days that he got off early, Ben could pick up the kids from school. They went to the best Montessori school in the city, and you could tell it just by looking at the cars in the carpool line. 

“Hi, Dad”

“Hi sweetie, how was school today?” 

Ben noticed that Anakin wasn’t talking, and that was okay. Anakin tended to be a bit shyer than Padmé, who was a social butterfly in every sense of the term. 

“It was okay. Anakin, how was your day?” 

Ben looked in the rearview mirror of the car to look at his son. Anakin seemed sadder than normal. He visibly moved away from Padmé and curled up in a ball in the seat. 

“Hey Anakin, is everything going okay at school?” 

A sad, resentful, “Yes,” came from underneath Anakin’s arm where he had buried his face. _Okay, something is clearly going on, and I need to get to the bottom of it._ “Do y’all want to do to the rolled ice cream shop on the way home from school?” 

Both Anakin and Padmé perked up when the rolled ice cream shop was mentioned. They both _loved_ that place but the kids couldn’t go a lot because Voe didn’t allow it. Something in Ben had changed. He cared more about his kids than Voe’s retaliation towards him for doing something that Ben knows is right but that Voe thinks is wrong. 

“Yeah, let’s go!” 

As Ben pulled into the ice cream shop, Anakin and Padmé were so excited that they could not stay still in their seats. Right when Ben put the car into park, the kids were ready to get out of the car. It had been a while since Ben saw his children this happy--he wanted to take a picture of this moment and store it somewhere safe and sacred. A place where, in the coming weeks and months, he could go back and look at this moment to remind himself of why his children are the top priority in his life. 

While Anakin, Padmé, and Ben were eating their ice cream, Anakin gently tugged on Ben’s sleeve. 

“Hey Dad? Why are people mean?” 

_Oh shit. Did something happen to Anakin? Did he see Voe yelling at me? What is going on?_

“Well, sometimes people are mean because they have a lot going on inside of them and they want to take it out on someone else.” 

“So the boy who is mean to me is just mad at himself and not me?” 

“Most likely. What did the boy who is mean to you say?” 

At this point Ben could feel himself getting angry. He was taken advantage of when he was younger, and he did not want that to happen to his son. Anakin should not have to deal with people bullying him at such a young age. All of the anger that Ben felt towards the bullies in his life, including Voe, was surfacing as he tried to calmly talk to his son. 

“H..he said that I wasn’t smart and that I should just go be with the special students in their class.” 

Anakin was trying to hold back tears while telling his father what happened at school that day. The sheer fact that Ben’s son was trying not to cry sent him so close to the edge. He knew that he couldn’t lash out here--he was in a public place after all--but the fact that someone is bullying his son just angered him so much. 

“Anakin, you know that you are so smart and brilliant right? Your teachers tell me every time that I see them how amazing you are.”

“Y..yes” Anakin was full-on crying now, “But, Palpatine is the most popular kid in class. What he says all of the other students believe. They must all think I’m stupid now.” 

Ben looked over to Padmé for her support in this. She always knew how to calm Anakin down in situations like this better than Ben ever could. 

“Anakin, can you look at me?” Padmé was using a soft, gentle voice to coax her brother to pay attention to her. “Did you know that Plapatine’s parents are breaking up? I talked with his older sister about it last week.” 

“N..no, I didn’t know that.” 

“So maybe that is why he is lashing out at you. Because he is angry about what is going on and just picked you to make fun of so he won’t have to deal with what’s going on at home.” 

“Oh, okay. But it’s still a mean thing for him to do. People should not be mean like that.”

“Akanin, I agree with you.” Ben realized that he needed to say something now before Padmé said something that could come back to bite all of them in the ass later on. “But, sometimes parents don’t get along and that is okay. What is important is that Palpatine and his sister are taken care of and have ways to talk about what’s going on rather than bully people. Talking is always better.” 

Even as Ben tried to calm his son down, his anger was still welling up inside of him. He had to find a way to control it until he got home. 

“Okay kids, are you all ready to go home?” 

“Yup.” 

As Ben and the children walked out to the car, Ben started to do the deep breathing practices that he learned when he was younger. None of them worked this time. Thankfully he was able to get home without lashing out and make sure that the kids were doing their homework before he lashed out. 

When he walked out of the back door and into the garage all of the hurt, pain, struggle, tears, and hours spent crying on the floor came back to Ben at once. There was so much energy in him he had nowhere to put it, so he punched the closest thing in sight--the car. 

Right when he punched the car he heard a loud crack and yelled. Ben had broken his hand. But he also came to a realization--no amount of anger was worth breaking his hand over. Hours later, as Ben was in Urgent Care getting his arm placed in a cast, he realized that it was time. 

It was time to move out of the house and separate--possibly get a divorce--from Voe. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so so sorry that I am just now updating. Between school and midterms, I've had a lot on my plate. Hopefully, I can start writing more chapters since I'm "social distancing" myself from everyone else due to coronavirus. Stay safe and healthy y'all. <3


End file.
